The New BNP Curriculum

Rejoice, racists of the world, you’re now allowed to teach in schools! Herr Hitler would be so proud. Now some killjoys are moaning about active racists not treating black children the same as white children. But this is just a lie. One BNP member told me “We’ll treat those niggers and jungle-buddies the same as our Aryan brothers.” Quite right too.

But while those lefty bastards are moaning about this progressive decision, the BNP have drawn up their timetable for the new school year. Let’s take a look shall we…

8:30-9 – Assembly – The children turn up in their uniform of brown shirts and march into the hall before picking up their daily copy of the Mail. Then the Fuhrer gives a passionate speech on the important events in the week, such as the evidence of anti-white discrimination when a slightly brown looking guy gave him a slightly dodgy look in the street.

9-11 – English – What else? The language isn’t studied, only what it means to be English. The language of Shakespeare is ignored as poofter gay talk and instead they study films such as This is England which is “about skinheads, but they’re not really racist, because one of them is a black kid. They turn on him in the end, but because he was one of the gang they’re not really racist. They just believe in what they believe in

11-1 – Science – None of this liberal dogma about evolution, we’re going straight into eugenics. One hour of lectures being taught of how black people are inferior and a “perfect slave race”. The next is spent studying the ground breaking research done at Auschwitz by the famed Dr. Carl Clauberg and others.

1-2 – Lunch – Instead of the traditional school dining room, everyone sits around a dining table and listens to their grandparents get slightly drunk and complain about the black family down the road. After eating bullying of the local black kids is advised.

2-4 – History – To counter the myth of the “Holocaust” the works of David Irvin and Nick Griffin are examined to prove it was indeed a “Holohoax” Then the wonders of the British Empire are taught, like the good old days when blacks were slaves, Indians were starving, and the white man reigned supreme. Rule Britannia.

4-5 – Politics – And to finish off the day a special visit from the man himself. Miss-tah Niccccccck Griffin.

Well there you have it, the new timetable for our children, ready to create the next generation of Aryan superheros.

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I’m so angry I don’t know whether to hit someone or masturbate

One of my favourite topics: the Daily Mail!

I’m not going to lie, I love the Daily Mail. Despite a rabid hatred for right-wing opinion in general, there’s someone about the Daily Mail I just find… charming. While satirical channels such as Fox News accurately mock right-wing table-thumping, you can’t beat the real thing. Good old paranoid, Middle-England, bigotry.

The Mail doesn’t have a great history, I admit. That support for “Adolf The Great” and the Brown-shirts in the 1930s probably didn’t exactly improve their public image. Still, you can’t win everything. But there are certain things the Mail has been right about:

  • Foreigners have indeed stolen all of our jobs.
  • Speed cameras have killed more people than Chairman Mao
  • We live in a Communist dictatorship run by do-good liberals
  • Homosexuality has been scientifically linked to death
  • Richard Littlejohn does indeed have a little John.

However one issue the Mail hates is this damn permissive society. One where women go round in short skirts and those poor men can’t help but rape those vile temptresses. Their conservative family values don’t look highly upon sex education, infidelity or the “sexualisation” of our society. All of which makes the Mail a hilarious read, because it is second only to the Sun in amount of totty on display.

For example, in this review for “Secret Diary of a London Call Girl” the Mail looks down upon miss Piper’s activities, as well they might, the whore. But mixed in with all this moralising, is some quality wank material.

The opening picture is a good start

“In white lingerie and a pink robe, Belle is confident that she will soon remind him of what he has been missing.

Talking to camera, she says: ‘It’s so sad when they’re like that. Give me an hour with him, he’ll be a new man.’

But as the action hots up, Simon reveals he has a penchant for the farm yard – or rather pretending to be an animal.

He says: ‘Let’s do it like dirty dogs. You dirty cow. You little pig. You dirty, dirty, dirty goat.’”

Blimey.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

“Belle obliges him, replying: ‘I’m so dirty. I’m a goat. I’m a chicken. I’m a dirty ewe.’

In a scene which becomes increasingly humiliating, she has to fulfil the wish of her paying customer when he asks her to ‘bleat like a sheep’.”

Don’t stop. Don’t stop. You’re a dirty ewe. Yes, you’re a dirty yew

Come to bed: Belle lures her client to bed in her sexy lingerie

Ohhhhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

The moment I read that article my initial reaction was something along the lines of “Damn I’ve got to see this.” They did one Hell of a job advertising the program (which, incidently, is definitely worth catching and not just for a quick knuckle shuffle)

So I don’t know what the Mail wants me to think. On the one hand they’re really not down with this kind of thing. No sir. But if that’s the case, why go in to such detail and show us the pictures? It’s like arguing against eating meat while holding a burger in front of someone’s face. Arguing against sex while tossing them off. It just doesn’t work, except to confuse me to masturbate furiously to expel my anger, which on reflection, is probably their aim. And one I salute.