Defending Israeli war crimes; the drinking game

Since the massacre of Operation Cast Lead, Israel’s little bitches have had their work cut out justifying every white phosphorous attack, every “systematic” destruction of civilian targets, every abuse, every murder, every crime. In a way I pity them. Previously they could trot out the old excuses, as the world reviled at the suicide bombings on Israel. But after the 2008-2009 massacre everything changed. In the words of Gideon Levy;

“The world acts differently toward us, turns a blind eye to Dimona and is silent about the occupation, and now it no longer wants to keep silent about Gaza. Why? Because this time we went too far.”

After the initial reports during the invasion, the world was taken back, but Israel’s defenders carried on, against all odds. Like the defenders of the Alamo, they took it upon themselves to defeat the hoards of anti-Semitic evidence produced. The IDF fucked up a school? Hamas were using it to fire rockets. The IDF fucked up a hospital? Hamas were using it to fire rockets. The IDF fuck up children? Hamas were using them as human shields. How do you know all this? Oh we don’t, but our blind prejudice tells us those towel heads are monsters and those lovely Western people are all kind hearted. But then the reports came out. Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, B’Tselem, the Goldstone Misson. All respected organizations and individuals, all carrying a consistent message; Israel’s assault on Gaza caused untold death and destruction. As the facts of the invasion became clear, and the pro-Israeli accounts were shown to be bollocks (see This Time We Went Too Far, Norman Finkelstein [New York, 2010] for a total demolition of the Cordesman report) Israel’s defenders had to come up with new excuses to satisfy their bloodlust.

So as the inane arguments arose, I’ve decided to give some sort of meaning to them. They’re useless in debate, but I figured if I make a drinking game out of it, their time and effort wouldn’t have been in vain. So here it is; fill your house with cheap, weak alcohol (you’re going to do a lot of drinking), load up a speech defending Israel (or, for the more adventurous, sneak into a debate with a hipflask of an alcohol of your choosing, and do it there*) and get ready for a hangover

1 Finger

  • Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East
  • The Old Testament says Palestine is ours
  • The IDF is “the most moral army in the world”
  • The world is “demonizing” Israel
  • Why does everyone criticize Israel when other bad shit is happening?
  • Blatant factual lie i.e. Hamas broke the truce
  • Totally dodges the question i.e. so why does Israel systemically torture prisoners? “Israel complies with the rule of law etc” n.b. in dodging the question the statesman may commit another drinking hazard i.e. Israel is a democracy that doesn’t torture. In this case do two fingers.
  • Totally ignores Israeli double standards e.g. Hamas uses human shields, but doesn’t mention Israel does it too

2 Fingers

  • X is true because IDF spokesman Y said so
  • Jewish critic of Israel is a “self hating Jew”
  • It’s the Palestinian’s fault we’re oppressing them
  • Clash of Civilizations

3 Fingers

  • Compares Hamas to Nazis, but then gets angry when someone makes the same comparison to Israel, as it’s in bad taste.

Down Pint

  • Look, who gives a fuck about those sand-niggers?
  • I enjoy beating one off to the dead children, ok?

Drink every alcoholic substance within a square mile

  • Mossad take out person asking difficult question
  • Speaker actually gives a compelling argument.

Note – Obviously these don’t have to be word for word, just the general concept is needed to drink. If in doubt; drink.

* I take no responsibility for anyone getting caught. In fact, I should say don’t do this, being the responsible adult that I am. But what I am saying is you should definitely do this.