Beckham let down by team-mates

"The perfect example of our Aryan race" - Nick Griffin

Inter 2-0 Milan

Inter Milan seemed to have another Scudetto in the bag, as they led Serie A with their customary lead and their rivals slipping up every two seconds like Steven Hawking ice-skating. Interisti were already beginning to plan their celebrations for this year. However they forgot one factor, the return of Milan legend David “Golden Balls” Beckham.

Last year Beckham made such an impact on Milan that he fitted straight in the team despite barely any training with the team and such was his importance that Ancelotti unbalanced the team just to accommodate him. Many great players have come in and transformed a team, but none can match Beckham’s instant impact. Mere mortals such as Maradona or Roberto Baggio had to train first, but Beckham was such a superb athlete that he was included in the first team at the expense of loyal servants who had played for and trained with Milan for years. Despite playing with deadwood such as Paolo Maldini, Ricardo Kaka’ and Alexandre Pato, Beckham was able to drag Milan into a respectable 3rd place. If only he joined at the start of the season, Milan fans lamented.

So with his name etched in the list of Milan legends: Franco Baresi, Marco Van Basten, Gianni Rivera, Gunnar Nordahl, Nils Liedholm, Ruud Gullit, Frank Rijaard, Giovanni Trappattoni, David Beckham (offical list), he rejoined again this year. Men weeped at his return. Women climaxed at the mere mention of his name. Children sported Beckham hairstyles. Milan were in crisis again, and the greatest living Englishman was the only person to sort out the crisis.

Upon his arrival he was placed straight in the starting line-up, out of position in attack instead of Pippo Inzaghi or Klass Jan Huntelaar. Despite playing in attack for the first time in his career he put in such a performance that Milan spanked their rivals Genoa 5-2 and was described by Football-Italia as having put in a “fantastic and versatile performance”. Victories over Juventus and Siena followed, with Beckham the key player in both matches. The Beckham revolution was succeeding.

So when Inter came into view, the Curva Sud didn’t feel any fear. Why would you when you have Golden Balls on your side? Useless minions such as Alexandre Pato and Alessandro Nesta were out, but this was an insignificant setback, as Milan had Beckham in top form. But while Beckham played out of his skin, even creating a chance, his team-mates timidly surrendered, and Milan fell to an embarrassing defeat. Only Beckham could walk with his head held high.

In light of Beckham’s impact on Milan, the first player in history to officially (according to ESPN) become a legend in just half a season, I think it would only be fair to rename AC Milan as AC Beckham the Mighty. In fact, Serie A should be renamed the Beckham league (feat. Jose Mourinho). Italy should be renamed “That country Beckham and his gorgeous wife spend half their time”.

All hail King David.